Moment of Mind Winter 2023 to 2024

Moment of Mind

Now that the days are getting minutes longer as the earth does its rotational dance between the solstice and spring equinox, it seems time to revisit a few reminders.

The invitations for this newsletter are to consider what needs attending, in a check engine light sort of way. And, to notice what’s good. The checking of the proverbial, metaphorical engines isn’t about obsessively looking for the ways things are going wrong. What mind doesn’t do that already? I don’t know any.

This noticing of what needs attending is more of a gentle honoring of the sacred physical form called the body, the temple that existence is playing through (you) as it’s the vehicle without which there would be no human experience. 

Seems kind of a big deal.

And the noticing what’s good isn’t that pollyanna, avoid all the engine lights to not have to feel anything, mode. And of course, that’s going to happen – again, I don’t know any minds that don’t do this. That’s what minds do. They avoid when there’s a belief running of can’t handle it, not good enough, not ready, etc. Sometimes that’s a gift for when more resources become available to do the handling. That’s what life long healing is all about.

And sometimes it’s just the mind *saying* all this stuff and then attention stays put on that mental loop….thereby seeming true.  This is a gift too when we see that it’s happening. Because in the noticing there’s more space to feel whatever’s wanting to bubble back up. All emotions simply want to be felt and experienced fully. One major ah-ha of the last few years is that “freedom” for me isn’t about freedom from feeling pain, grief, sadness, depression or frustration…it’s freedom to feel all those things fully rather than hide from them. The constant search to avoid feeling was exhausting, and so innocent when it looked like feeling bad…was bad.

The what’s good is part of this bubbling. It’s the mixture of the gorgeousness of existence that’s blended in with the hard, grotty bits…which of course also is what makes the contrasts like an emotional buffet.

If this sounds a bit too poetic or airy fairy waving of the hands with philosophizing, let’s get into the implementation part. That’s what this newsletter is for.

Invitation #1 Check Engine Light

Attending to the check engine light can be the most mundane: the cuticle on my right thumb needs trimming because it keeps ripping further, resulting in blood at inopportune times. And it can be more intense: pulling out last deed and testament forms for myself since I’m helping someone else plan their last life stages, might as well do mine. Or noticing that eating habits have slipped and the battery is low because – not enough nutrients. Or there’s been a de-prioritizing of physical safety (the safety belt light) through eating (junk food from an overpacked calendar) while driving…uh, that’s a distraction!

Noticing what’s in need of attention can be simply focusing on an immediate priority, and also it can involve the mind planning ahead into next week about a future appointment, a bill that’s not paid, or a friend that you haven’t contacted and you really miss. It’s the tending to the bits that have gone to the margins as all the other things came into the main frame of the attention spotlight. There’s going to be emotions that come up in this process. And so let’s support having them. Feeling them fully. Sometimes there’s tears wanting to fall and the system keeps them at bay. You can watch a movie, a video that pulls the heart strings, or read something that nudges the system over into the waterfalls phase. Let yourself cry, grieve, feel low, feel sad, feel it all. Or if the attending to the engine light involves getting that small upgrade of the bath mat that you’ve put off for…years… then revel. Sink your toes into that soft mat and get the giddy on. Let yourself have the fullness of that texture and sensation.

All of these states are important.

We’re here to have them.

Invitation #2 Notice What’s Good

This was an assignment I gave to my Healthy Communities students who study all the ways communities are not healthy, and they explore many interventions on how to support improving that. The day to day reminders of oppression, violence, wars, and inequities can send the mind into a nihilism or fatalism spree. Inquiring into what’s good – in the midst of the rest – keeps the focus as close to now as I could get it. What really IS good? What supports are coming in? What connections are happening? Where is destruction giving rise to growth? 

As noted above, this isn’t about ignoring or bypassing the tremendous challenges of the time. It’s about seeing the whole picture, because it’s not all or nothing in my experience.

I’d love to hear what you notice.

Much love,

Tia

Love for Your Inner Science Activist Nerd

In one of the longest studies of human happiness (in modern times, who knows what are ancestors were doing over 10,000 years ago), social connectedness and relationships – even just two or three high quality ones – make a huge difference in happiness and health. The lead researcher talks about this here. 

I’m revisiting the book I recommended two years ago called We Should Get Together and inviting you to consider what friendship means to you. What is the role of friendship?  What expectations are on it instead of agreements you’ve made? How might those get in the way of the people on the other side of those expectations? Do you have friends just to affirm you (e.g. you like being liked) or do you have them because you really enjoy their company – even when you both don’t say much? What needs do friends fill that cannot be filled by a significant other, a parent, or family member? 

Two years ago I signed up for one of Kat Vellos’ connection programs to work on my friendship skills. While my friends would say I’m a good friend (mostly), I can see ways that friendship hasn’t been as thoughtful and intentional in the past as it could be.  My shadow side became very apparent to me in the past few years as doing a number on my friendships. I was putting expectations on people all the time instead of making clear requests and co-creating shared agreements for example.  When Kat showed us examples of contracts people actually made with friends my mind was blown. I know SO MANY communication methods to support connection in the work space, in the teaching space, and for some reason was throwing those out as “overly formal” in the friend space. Who made that up? I don’t know but just like I stopped dating people who were nebulous about …everything….I want to be more intentional in friendships too.

If mindfulness is about more presence in more areas more of the time, then this year I’m turning the spotlight onto friendships. I have held on to relationships where I may have nothing in common with someone just because I like them as a person. While there’s nothing wrong with that and it honors the value of that relationship, it does mean that I may be misdirecting energy. I’m still exploring what that means for me.

This winter I signed up for Kat’s latest workshop called Platonic Action Lab (PAL) where we experiment each week moving into the learning zone (friendships are intensely social anxiety producing to me, even the long lasting ones) by testing different connection experiments each week. Since this is something I’m revisiting this year, I am recommending the book once again. There’s another on my list called How to Show Up by Mia Birdsong that I’ll likely feature this year in another newsletter after I’ve made time to read it.

Get Your Park Groove On

I don’t remember if I’ve featured all of Forest park before in this newsletter, so just in case I have not, I invite you to visit one of the park jewels in Portland.It’s one of the largest in the area with 80 trails in 5200 acres. It also has a mix of amenities which ensure that some parts of the park are accessible for folks using mobility devices, venues for events like concerts, and play spaces for people with children.

That being said, one of the main reasons I don’t do more forest bathing walks in this park is because most of trails involve inclines and are often too steep for folks with sore joints or challenges with mobility. The one trail I am sure I have featured is Lower Macleay trail because it is ADA accessible, follows a stream (Balch Creek) that I worked with PSU students to analyze the health of (it’s healthier than you’d expect!), and has multiple spots for stopping and resting. If you’re in the area and have a chance to stop in, take a look at the City of Portland’s site and look at their trail map to see what might be a good fit for you.

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